Tag: divorce

Rushed marriages lead to higher divorce rate

by DEBRA MONTANDON

There are many important decisions one will make in life, and picking the right mate ranks at the top.

It seems that today so many kids are encouraged to start liking the opposite sex so young. You can hear any parents ask, “Is he your boyfriend? Or do you like him/her?” I was blessed that my parents encouraged me to not rush that. Enjoy just being a kid, they said.

When I was raising my sons, I taught them the same words of wisdom.

couples arguing DebbieIt breaks my heart when I see men and women around 30 years of age breaking up families with divorce. Getting a divorce not long after getting married is so hard on the children.

So, what can be done to avoid that heartbreak? There are several things that can be done to decrease the divorce rate.

Don’t start dating so young. This starts the hormones racing worse than normal. You have plenty of time in your adult life to date. Use your childhood to take in this amazing journey called life. Don’t look for a happy life in another person. Work at being wholly happy on your own.

When you start dating, date long enough to see them in tough situations.  When you rush into marriage or a committed relationship, you don’t get to see them at their worst, and that will bug you later.

Life will be so much better when you are not sucking the life out of the other person. If you date the wrong one, there are some red flags to watch out for.

One big red flag is if you fight all the time. You will make yourself sick. If you have kids, 5b9e33ac250000360036c1fbthey will not be healthy either. An ugly divorce will most likely be in your future.

Another red flag is the feeling of being “ignored.”  He/she doesn’t like to be friendly or cordial. This will set the marriage up for infidelity.

If he/she gives attention to the opposite sex in a “too friendly way,” it will cause jealousy and lots of fights.

Sometimes people are too needy. They need reinforcement of the relationship all the time. This will get “old” fast.

Marriage is about a partnership. If one side is always first, there will be resentment.

When you are in public, does he/she hold your hand, or does he keep his distance? This is a big red flag, because he/she could be ashamed to be seen in public with you.

Another big red flag is when you are in public, do their eyes wonder to the opposite sex, or is their attention on you?

Ask yourself these questions: Is he nice? Is he kind? Is she thoughtful? Is she patient? Does he think of himself first all the time? Listen and trust your heart.

Another question that you need to ask yourself often, and be open to the truth, is “Does his actions match his words?”

Don’t pursue the male. He was created to do the pursuing. If he doesn’t pursue you, he is not “into” you. I promise you do not want to be with someone who doesn’t want you. If he lets you do all the work to stay in touch, he is letting you know how little he thinks of you, or how lazy he will be.  It is a lonely life if you get him.

When he catches you, it will be so much better.

Parent involvement can help child cope with divorce

In today’s society, divorce rates are higher than ever and show no signs of slowing down.

Relationships and marriages are seeming to come quickly to an end due to lack of communication, among other reasons.

In a marriage that’s coming to an end, it can be more difficult when kids are involved. Divorce can be a difficult time for a family, especially for children, and the effects it may have on them can vary.

          At any age, it can be traumatic for anyone to witness the break up of a family and see their whole world turned upside down. How they react can depend on their age, personality, and the circumstances of the separation process. However, there is a lot that the parents can do to help their children cope.

Young children are the ones who seem to be affected the most by divorce, and how they react to divorce is a question that may be unpredictable. Based off of their own experiences they’ve had from watching their parents divorce, it may be harder for some to recover quicker than others.

With the right guidance from parents, children can experience divorce as an adjustment rather than a crisis. However, not all children are given the amount of support needed to get through the harder times in their life.

          Through divorce, children have to learn how to adapt to change at a rapid pace. They have to learn to accept new family dynamics, living situations, and possibly start over at a new school.

          I empathize with others who have struggled with the sociological and emotional toll it can have. It is not easy growing up with divorced parents. Many children whose parents separate struggle with developing social skills and the ability to relate to others around them.

Divorce can leave children emotionally vulnerable to several types of negative emotions, such as feelings of loss, anger, confusion, anxiety, and more, all of which can be caused by the separation of their parents alone. They may react to situations in a negative way and can have a hard time adjusting to such a sudden change.

If either parent notices such behavior, it is important that he or she help their children find an outlet for all of these emotions. Parents need to understand that it is OK to seek professional help. By seeking help for their child, it can help them learn to cope or figure out how to sort through their thoughts and emotions.

While struggling to sort out their emotions, in the midst of trying to comprehend the changing dynamics, it may leave many children distracted or confused. It can interrupt their daily focus and how they perform in their daily lives. This can have a major effect on their academic performance. The more distracted they become, the more likely they will not able to focus on their school work or on other activities.

This is where communication between the two parents can be important. By allowing children to still be in contact with both parents, it can encourage them and remind them that both parents are still supportive, even when going through difficult times.

This is where finding an outlet for children who are struggling can help. Without an outlet, a child whose family is going through divorce may also have a harder time relating to their classmates and/or will refuse to go to social activities. This is because they may feel insecure about their home situation and think that no one around them will be able to understand or be helpful toward the situation.

The most important thing for the parents is to remain involved with their children’s lives, especially when going through hard times. But many parents may confide too much in their children about adult concerns such as disagreements or money worries.

By offering reassurance, hope and a sense of stability, it can help ease the effects of divorce on children of all ages.